So, it really is my goal to make blogging a regular thing, but sometimes good things like your wife being pregnant and bad things like medical bills overwhelm you (yeah, I know, I shouldn’t write in the second person, but it’s my damn blog) and you can’t come up with any of the mildly pithy commentary you’re usually so full of, so I’ve been lax.
In an effort to get back on track I am going to write about something that I think others can probably do a much better job of. All I want to know is this, if you are a Republican, why are you a Republican? If you know Republicans, why are they Republican? But don’t answer yet, read the blog first, because I think I know what you’re going to say…
1. I’m a fiscal conservative.
As I understand it, most people who consider themselves to be fiscal conservatives think the government should provide basic services and not spend any more than it brings in. Now, go look at this: http://www.cedarcomm.com/~stevelm1/usdebt.htm
If you were too lazy to go look at the chart, I’ll tell you what it shows: For the last 40-45 years, Democrats have been the fiscally responsible ones. When Democrats are in office, GDP goes up and the deficit goes down (or, at least, goes up less). When Republicans are in office GDP goes down and the deficit goes up. This is bad. This means, in short, that trickle down economics do not work. Now, don’t go claiming they do, because I just should you empirical data that says otherwise. And I’m not fudging the numbers here. I’m using two, pretty basic things. GDP and the deficit. Find me an economist who thinks a growing GDP is bad and a growing deficit is good and I’ll show you and unemployed economist. Okay, fiscal conservatives, why are you a Republican?
2. I don’t want the government all up in my business.
A. Republicans want to tell you who you can marry and who you
can’t. I think this qualifies as in your business.
B. If you’re a woman, Republicans do not think you are entitled
to legal jurisdiction over all of your body. I think this also
qualifies as in your business
C. Republicans in some places still want to pass laws about what
happens between consenting adults behind closed doors. Again…
3. We need to protect ourselves from the terrorists.
Corollary: Obama wants to negotiate with them!
All I really have to say about this is that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. NUH-THING. I know, I know, you’ve been brainwashed into thinking it did, but it didn’t. Remember, first it was WMDs, then it was “Liberating the Iraqis.” In fact, it took a long time until we were informed the Al-Qaeda was alive and kicking in Iraq (cough*afterweinvaded*cough). Also, Osama bin Laden: Still doin’ his thing.
Corollary: Imagine you are a terrorist (or, for the purpose of this discussion a bad guy). You are not the biggest guy on the block, but you have pretty big friends like China. Now, as a bad guy, that puts you in a pretty strong position, because nobody really wants to start a rumble with China anymore than the do one of the good guys like US (sorry, I meant us). Now, you being a bad guy, look across the table at the good guy (the United States) then you look behind you at your bad guy allies then you look back across the table and you say, “You know, I realize I’m not the big dog here, so I’ll make some sacrifices, but I want something to.” Now, here’s where it gets rich, the good guy stares you right in the eye and says “FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! You’re a terrorist! I’m not negotiating with you! Give me what I want or else!” At this point, you look back behind you at your good friend and say, “Okay, later.” Why? Because we’re not doing shit to you. You’re friends with people we don’t really want to piss off. Of course, we could negotiate and maybe get you to stop talking about annihilating Isreal as openly as you have been and maybe get some supervision for your nuclear programs in exchange for ending an embargo or two, but then we’d be negotiating! Oh no! Stonewalling is what really works. Just look at Cuba.
4. I am Christian.
Corollary: Evolution is wrong.
I understand, I used to be Chrisitian, too. But here’s the thing, I read the Bible (yeah, the whole thing, or, at least, pretty damn close), and I didn’t see anyting in there about abortion. Yes, there was some stuff about homosexuality, but it was in the same part that tells you to stone your children and not eat pork and cut off your beard. I think homosxuality is mentioned twice. I did see a whole lot of stuff about helping the poor and being kind to your enemies and just general caring for all people type stuff. So, here are a couple of questions: Why is homosexuality bad but beard trimming okay? Also, why aren’t you stoning your disobedient children? Basically, how do you know which parts of which parts of the Bible God cares about and which parts of parts he (it) doesn’t? Also, again, if we’re going by what’s actually in the bible, which party’s policies do more to take care of the least among us (because, one more time, helping the poor is mentioned like 475,651 times in the Bible and at least 234,987 times just by Jesus)?
Corollary: I’m not going into this in detail yet, but creationism is not science and should not be taught in classrooms. Evolution is and should. Look, do some research. The Bible, especially the old testament, isn’t literal. It’s a collection of parables. Hell, there are even two creation stories, so it can’t ALL be literal. Also, it used to be doctrine that the earth was the center of the universe. What religion should learn from this is that it should stay out of science. How life evolved does not invalidate the idea of turning the other cheek. Further, evolution does not preclude the existence of God. I can’t believe I live in a state with a “Creation Museum.”
So that’s it, after you read all of this I want you to tell me why you are still a Republican? Now, don’t go taking issue with my facts because they are facts. If you want to bring something else up, fine, but don’t argue with facts. Facts are true. Arguing with them is like arguing that the sun revolves around the earth. It’s stupid.
Last, I’m not friends with a lot of Republicans, maybe you are, direct them here. I want to know what they think.
Really, last, I’m sure there are typos. I’m too lazy to profread this. Let me know and I’ll fix them.