Greetings Ladies and Gentleman,
We are coming to you today from Snyder-Lynch manner is fabulous Kentucky. I’ll be doing a running diary of the election returns as it they come in.
6:39: Gearing up for coverage, which starts in about 20 minutes. Some early returns are coming in from Kentucky where most of the polls close at 6:00 ET. Early results have McCain up big, no surprise there. I’m more interested to see the senate results, especially when returns start coming in from Louisville and Lexington which should pull heavily Democratic. We’re looking for an Obama victory tonight, and hopefully we’ll get to see some heads explode on FOX. Stay tuned.
6:52: Still not officially election night, yet, but 42% of returns are in for the Yarmuth-Northup race here in Louisville and Yarmuth leads 57-43. This is a good start to the night. It’s worth noting, by the way, that I have only voted for the winning candidate for a federal office once. That would be Baron Hill, in Indiana two years ago. So far, so good however.
7:00: Here we go! My first thought is that I miss Dan Rather. “Well, tonight’s election is going to be as slippery as a monkey in a grease barrel. Have courage America.” Oh, Dan, we miss you.
7:01: First returns Kentucky to McCain, Vermont to Obama. No surprises. Current standings: McCain: 8, Obama: 3. This should be one of the few leads for McCain tonight. Or, at least, if it’s not, we’re moving to France.
On FOX: Things are still calm. They think McCain is going to win Ohio. We’ll see.
7:06: Lunsford-McConnell is 50-50. Nice early start. That’s mostly Lousivlle. I’m not super confident about this race, but we’ll see. An uspet would be great.
7:08: On ABC, Gibson and Stephanoppopliouopous talk about how John McCain is basically fucked while still hedging their bets.
7:13: PBS reports that McCain was “subdued” and that Cindy M. had “tears in her eyes.” Yeah, that’s right, they see the writing on the wall.
7:15: The blogger’s wife has provided a lovely dinner of Tilapia and Mac & Cheese. Mmmmm.
7:16: Mark Warner picks up a senate seat for the Dems in VA. Daniels (R) holds on to the Governorship of Indiana.
7:20: Early VA reports have Obama leading.
On Fox: Starting to panick. I think I see urine trickling down someone’s leg.
7:23: McCain’s Campaign Manager: “He is the gamest political candidate in history.” Gamest? What the fuck does that mean? If I shoot John McCain and eat him is he going to taste differently from a more domesticated candidate? Gamest? What?
7:30: On the phone with Mom, hard to pay attention right now.
7:37: On ABC Louisville native Diane Sawyer shakes her head with feeling to show her sympathy for the unemployed people in the rust belt.
7:40: NC and IN are tossups. Gee, I wonder hwo tonight is going to go for John McCain. Because these states are always close.
7:43: It’s official. Anne Northup’s political career is over. She’s expected to concede any moment. It’s not even close. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
National Office Winners I’ve voted for: 2
7:45: Fancy swooping camera shots in the ABC studio. We’re pulling out the big money! Let’s swoop around and focus tight on Cokie Roberts! Yeah!
7:51: FOX joyously calls South Carolina for McCain. Oh Shit! Yeah! John McCain! South Carolina! Woo Hoo!!!!! The world, however, is underwhelmed.
Current Standings: McCain: 16, Obama 3, Lynch: Going to take a pee.
7:57: Anne Northup Concession speech. Oh, I love it. I love it. I LOVE IT!
8:00: Can I just say how nice it is to be so relaxed on election night? The last two were so stressful, but this is nice.
8:02: Lots of polls closing. Obama takes: NJ, CT, MD, ME, MA, DE, DC, IL, NH
McCain: TN, OK
Too Close to Call: MO, AL, MS.
Alabama! Mississippi! OH SNAP! This is good times people.
8:06: ABC calls PA for Obama. It’s the beginning of the end Johnny Boy!
Current Total: Obama: 103, McCain: 34.
On FOX; Talking about the Senate. DENIAL!!
8:12: FOX calls NH for Obama and Elizabeth Dole falls in NC! Dems +2 in the senate.
On FOX: Man, this guy looks so indignant. He looks like someone just pissed on his rose bushes.
8:19: Another pick up in the Senate. Dems take NH. +3. Oh the sweetness.
8:24: I love John Yarmuth. He’s giving his acceptance speech now. How wonderful. How very wonderful.
8:28: Kind of slow right now. Arkansas is about to close, but, um, who cares. Big round coming at 9:00. Still waiting on some swing states.
8:30: McCain takes AL and AR, so, yeah, again. Way to hold those two Johnny boy.
Current Totals: Obama: 103, McCain: 49
8:37: On FOX some lady from the McCain campaign is still not conceding PA. HAHAHAHA! Oh, the denial.
8:41: I’m bored. The wife is not feeling good. The Prime Minister (our incubating child) is rebelling. A bunch of polls closing in about 20 minutes.
8:44: Rudy G. reminds us that McCain was a POW. Oh, that’s right, I had totally forgotten. McCain has been so issue focused, that I totally forgot about his war record. Fart.
8:52: On FOX: Where have the Republicans gone? Virginia? Virginia? hdyhusidfj PANIC osdfufjdfj!
8:55: I wonder if Flomax is right for me. I’ll have to ask my doctor.
9:00: Another round of polls closing:
Obama: NY, MI, MN, WI, RI
McCain: KS, ND, WY, also McCain does take GA
Too Close to Call: TX, NM, AZ, CO, LA, NB, SD, (TEXAS! TEXAS! What the holy fucking fuck? Arizona! Oh Jesus)
Current Totals: Obama: 174, McCain: 76
9:05: Another pick up in the Senate in NM. Dems +4
9:09: FOX calls NM for Obama:
Current Totals: Obama: 179, McCain: 76
9:12: Fart. McConnell holds on to his seat. That was expected, but it’s still shitty.
9:18: So, every Obama person that has been interviewed has a big shit-eating grin and every McCain person has this kind of dower frown and just wants to talk about how “we need to wait and see.” Oh, I am really, really, really enjoying this.
9:23: Bob Scheiffer thinks Obama can’t lose. Oh, yeah.
9:25: CBS just called Ohio for Obama. If that holds it’s Obama 199, McCain 76 and guess what kids, Obama can’t lose because he’s carrying the West Coast.
9:29: PBS gives Texas and LA to McCain and also gives Ohio to Obama.
Current Totals: Obama: 199, McCain 119
Take it to the bank: President Obama!
9:34: ABC from McCain-Palin in Ohio. They are, um, not happy. Honestly, they look like all of their grandmas just died.
9:38: Math Correction. I must have added wrong somewhere. ABC has Obama: 200, McCain 119.
9:39: Looks like WV goes McCain.
Current Totals: Obama: 200, McCain: 124
9:43: On FOX: McCain camp still objects to the calling of PA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Losers.
9:52: John McCain takes Mississippi.
Current Totals: Obama: 200, McCain: 130
9:57: FOX is worried about how John McCain is going to win. Heeheeheeheehee.
10:00: New round of polls closing:
Too Close to Call: NV, MT
Iowa is another pick up for Obama. Oh, it is sooooooo over. I love it. I love it. I love it.
Current Totals: Obama: 207, McCain: 135
10:06: It’s a McConnell out. Gross. I hate that guy. He’s the acrid fart on an otherwise fresh smelling evening.
10:08: ABC reports that people in AZ are getting a little worried. Gee, ya think? I mean, they just need to win California to win the election and that could totally happen. HAHAHAHAHA!
10:12: A couple of thoughts while we wait to hear about some more states. Obviously, tonight we will have elected our first black president. That’s fantastic and really makes me truly proud of America for the first time in a long time. Maybe in my life. Really. Good for America. Also, I just realized that Obama is winning the Children of baby boomers by a lot. We are going to kill the Republican party for a long, long time. I am really looking forward to it.
10:19: Boy is my racist conservative step-family-in-law upset right now. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
10:27: It’s all local right now. Things are slowing down. We’re both just waiting for Obama to hit 270, which should happen in about 30 minutes.
10:35: Bob Scheiffer can barely contain his glee. He’s had a ridiculous grin across his face for like an hour. I think I know who he voted for. This is soooooo much fun.
10:36: NB gets mostly called for McCain with 2 congressional districts still outstanding.
Current Totals: Obama: 207, McCain 138
10:37: Katie Couric laughs at the McCain camp’s chances. I really love Katie Couric right now.
10:40: SD goes McCain
Current Totals: Obama: 207, McCain 141
10:42: PBS calls Virginia for Obama. This seemed likely, but it is still so, so sweet.
Current Totals: Obama: 220, McCain 141
For the record, add California and you get to 275. Bye, bye Johnny!
10:47: In 13 minutes, California polls will close and it will be official. Republicans are upset, but you know what? That’s what you get. Seriously, can anyone honestly look at the last eight years and say that this country has been run well? No, no they can’t. It has been a total, total disaster. As I posted not long ago, I truly don’t know why anyone who stands for anything worth standing for would still identitfy as a Republican. Look at the destruction they have wrought in this country. They do not deserve to have any part in the government, but I’ll tell you what, I believe that Obama will include moderate Republicans. Those who have some shred of reasonability in them. I believe this, because I believe that Barack Obama is a good man and will be a good president.
10:54 Obama is currently up in Indiana. I hope I get to be very proud of my home state tonight.
10:55: There are five minutes left in John McCain’s political career.
10:56: Obama is actually up in a NB congressional district. That would be hilarious.
11:00: Here we go….
Obama: CA, OR, WA, HI
Current Totals: Obama: 297, McCain: 145.
President-Elect Obama: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On FOX: Two and a Half Men. This is the greatest thing ever.
11:07: I am flabbergasted. This wonderful. Never, in my adult life have I been proud of my country in the way I am now. This is a beautiful moment. A wonderful moment. I can’t wait for his speech.
11:13: PBS reports that John McCain has called Barack Obama to concede the election.
11:15: Florida, anti-climatically, goes Obama.
Current Totals: President-Elect Obama: 324, McCain 145
I really enjoy that Florida was not the difference maker hear. They fucked us eight years ago, and now, by the time the state was called, it was a foregone conclusion.
11:18: McCain concession speech. “The American people have spoken and they have spoken clearly.” That’s right you got your ass kicked. Classy crowd with all the booing, by the way.
11:19: Colorado goes Obama.
Current Totals: President-Elect Obama 333, McCain: 145
11:20: Cate: Sarah Palin’s politcal career is over. This makes me smile. Also, I’ll say this, even though he was a bastard during the campaign, but he’s going out classy, even if his crowd sucks.
11:23: God, McCain’s crowd is terrible. I don’t recall ever seeing a crowd be this mean-spirited during a concession speech. What a bunch of jerks. I guess those are the friends he made during that nasty campaign.
11:27: AZ finally goes McCain.
Current Totals: President-Elect Obama: 333, McCain: 155
11:30: That was a cold crowd for McCain. Again, that’s what he gets. He threw his honor away in the campaign, and these are the people who flocked to him. He did, for his part, go out classy. I will give him that.
11:36: Another pick up in the Senate. Colorado goes with a Dem. +5
11:39: Nevada goes Obama.
Current totals: President-Elect Obama: 338, McCain: 155
11;53: I know Buddy Guy when I hear him, and he is playing Obama’s rally in Chicago right now, which is fantastic. I love Buddy Guy… On second thought, I might be wrong, but damn, that guy does play guitar like Buddy Guy. Still, this is an excellent night.
11:59: Obama acceptance speech.
12:01: See, that’s a classy crowd, I know their guy won, but, still, they cheered the opponent in defeat. That’s classy.
12:15: Good speech. I’m proud that he is my president now. I’m going to wrap this up, even though there is still one thing left that I really care about. Right now, Obama is leading Indiana by about 16,000 votes. If he wins there, it will be the proudest I’ve ever been of my home state. Even though, I didn’t cast my vote there this time, it means something to me to know that the place I grew up has grown enough in my life time that it can help elect a blck man the president of the United States, so I hope he wins Indiana, but even if he doesn’t I’ll still be proud. I’m happy for American right now, and happy for myself, and my child that, next summer will be born into a world that is radically different from the world of just twenty-four hours ago,
Good job America.